Ep 20 - It Feels So HARD to Stop Binge Eating

June 20, 2024

Changing eating habits can be difficult.

Especially when you are doing the deep work to rewire your brain!

Do you resist the hard?

Expect it to be easy?

Think you “should” already know how to eat?

I’m here with a little pep-talk to get you back to loving and embracing the hard.

You will learn..

• How to define hard

• Misconceptions around becoming an intuitive eater

• Why hard is actually a GOOD thing

• How to reframe the hard moments of binge eating recovery

  Confident eater's happy Thursday. Today, we're talking about letting it be hard. When you are on your journey to stop binge-eating and become a confident eater, there are some parts that are going to be difficult and those difficult parts we need to accept. So think of today as a little pep talk, and this is going to be a two-part series. Where we're gonna talk about letting it be hard today, but next week, we're gonna talk about letting the journey be easy and how to make it easier because life is nuanced and nothing is all or nothing. There is always two sides of the story.

First let's think about what does it mean for something to be hard. When you say stopping binge-eating is hard. Becoming a natural eater is hard. Sitting with urges is hard. What do we actually mean by that? How can you define what hard means to you?

Hard is truly subjective. What feels hard to me? May feel easy to you and vice versa. What feels super fine and easy to someone else may feel really, really hard to you. So hard can be a thought. Where we think this is hard, but hard can also be this variation of a feeling.

I wouldn't say hard is necessarily an emotion, but sometimes we say, we feel like this is hard or it feels hard.

And when we're saying that, what I think we're really trying to say is I'm feeling a form of discomfort. This feels like I'm having to put an effort. And that feels uncomfortable to me. I feel discomfort when I do this. But I think we can pretty much confidently say, hard is not a circumstance. Hard is not something that is a truth of the world. Hard is not a fact. It can not be a fact that something in and of itself is hard. Because otherwise everyone in the world would have to agree, it's hard.

Some people thinks changing habits is easy. Some people think not binge-eating is easy. Now something does feel hard. It's important to look at why it feels hard because there are some hards that we might want to avoid.

Like if something goes against your values or moral compass, it feels hard to do those things, but that is a hard that we want to use as a good red flag and signal that we're not on the right path. But when we were talking about hard here, we are talking about the hard, that feels hard because it's truly something we want and it grows us. It takes us to the next level. So it's something that does align with your values and your beliefs and what you want for yourself and this type of hard pushes you past where you currently are and what you currently think is possible for you. It takes you above and beyond where you are now and that's going to take some effort.

So that type of hard, the one that we wanna be focusing on this hard feels that way, because we are venturing out in new territory. We are leaving our metaphorical safe cave. Your brain is having to change. And form new connections, rewire some things around. That's why it feels hard.

Now a big problem. I see my clients running into is thinking that when things are hard, something has gone wrong or that it is a problem for things to be hard, that if something is hard, it needs to be fixed or changed or adjusted in some way.

But that is just not the case. And we'll talk about why in a second. I also see people thinking that eating should be easy. It shouldn't be hard because eating is a basic need and a basic skill that I'm already supposed to know. And while we were all born natural eaters, eating in line with our hunger and fullness signals that doesn't mean it's something that we haven't unlearned or need to be retaught.

If you have been dieting for many years, you have probably majorly disconnected from your body signals and you have been taught a series of rules that are not in line with what you truly need.

And so you might need to work on your eating as a goal and have it something that you're thinking about now, I know the goal is to rarely think about food, right. And just have it be a thing of the past. But in order for that to happen where we're not thinking about food, ironically, you have to think about the food. You have to put in the effort to say, what are my habits and how do I change them and really take that time and mental space to work on this goal.

So here's what you need to know when you feel like becoming a confident eater is hard. Hard is not bad or a problem. Most things worth doing are a bit difficult at times. Think about big things people have accomplished in the world. They have started a business. They've gotten a raise, they have their dream job. They become a mom. They get married. All of these things require a little bit of work upfront, interact times hard. But they get this beautiful benefits of having these things because they put in the hard work.

Hard can even be fun. Hard does not have to be boring and miserable and uncomfortable. And filled with pain. Think about something like hiking, I would consider myself a bit of a hiker. I'm nothing crazy. I'm not going on any 10 mile backpacking trips, but I enjoy hiking. Now you think about hiking, there's bugs, it's usually sunny and hot. Maybe it's muddy out and slippery. You're getting dirty. I'm always covered in dirt after hiking in someplace or another. And some people think that's not very fun, but I love it because I love being outdoors. I love being in the fresh air. I love the challenge that it presents. I love seeing what my body is capable of. So it might be hard. It might not be easy, but I still love it.

So I want you to think about other areas in your life that you think are fun or enjoyable, but they also might be hard. Maybe it's moving your body in a certain way. You'd like to run. Maybe it's your job. There's parts of it that are hard, but you love it. Or being a mom, it's hard to be a mom, but maybe you think it's super fun too.

And start thinking about what you love about the hard parts of your journey with food. Now, this might be more of a stretch for you. And this could be a good journal question for you to go over this week is like, what does feel hard about the journey with food? And what could be amazing about that? Why could it be so awesome that that thing is hard.

Most of you have had these eating habits for 5, 10, 20, 30, 40, 50 years. Right? So these are some deeply ingrained habits. There are some things your brain has repeated over and over and over again. Not to mention you also have created some thoughts and beliefs about yourself during this time and your ability to stop binge-eating and you've created a lot of evidence. For what you don't want.

So it is going to take time to reframe those beliefs and start believing that you can do this. And it is possible for you to become a confident eater. It's going to take some work and effort to change those thoughts and the habits that you've created. So it's okay. If it's not happening overnights.

You are also learning a new skill. Again, sometimes we don't think of relearning how to eat as a new skill, because we think, oh, this is what we're supposed to already know how to do. But I do want you to think of this as a new skill, because you are learning a lot of new skills within becoming a natural eater. And I hate to be the bearer of bad news here, but you're probably going to suck a bit at first. You're probably going to make all sorts of mistakes and have slip ups and get confused and feel discouraged.

And this is all part of the learning process. You will have never learned something without sucking out at first. That's where you are, but you can't let that discourage you.

I'm reading a book right now that mentioned the research says in order to be an expert on something you need to put in 10,000 hours on average. So if someone is an expert in their field of study, if someone is an expert in musician or athlete, they had to put in 10,000 hours to become an expert at it. Now I definitely don't think you need quite this much time to learn how to be a natural eater. Especially if you were working with me in my confidence eater program, where I am literally giving you all the steps one by one that you need to follow.

But I do think that there is some value in allowing yourself time and patience to get this figured out and mastered in as opposed to expecting yourself to figure this out overnight or in three weeks or by your cousin's wedding, that's coming up like. It's going to take time to master these habits. And even when you master them, You're going to need to keep practicing it.

So a musician who has become an expert, they still need to practice their habits now, and then, and practice playing the piano or their instrument in order to stay good at it. So you're still going to need to have some sort of intentional thought around food, even when it becomes easier.

I still plan a general idea of what I'm going to be eating. So my brain has options. I still sometimes have to remain myself to be a bit more mindful and to slow down my brain and to put away my phone. These things, they come a lot more naturally to me now but that doesn't mean I just can completely forget about them just because I've gotten to where I wanna be.

So I do pole dancing for fun as one of my favorite forms of movement. And I can do pretty cool things now. Like not gonna lie. I can go upside down. I can do some cool spins and flips and tricks. But it always makes me laugh when someone says to me, Oh, I could never do that. Like, you have to be so strong. Like it's amazing how strong you are, but I can never do that. And it makes me laugh because I didn't get the strong from just sitting around and I was not strong in the beginning. I had to build up my muscle and I had to be consistent and go into the studio every single week for years in order to get strong and get to where I am right now.

And I always tell people that like, no, no, no. They have beginner classes. And it's the process of going to those classes. That make you strong. So it's the same thing with your eating journey. People don't just go from dieters to natural eaters, just like that. And you might look at me and say, wow, it's so nice that Amber just effortlessly has these habits now. I put in the work to get here. And it's gonna be the same thing for you, where you are going to become a natural eater along the journey. You don't have to be that way to start or even a few times after you're going to build the skills you need along the process.

Now if becoming a natural eater was something that just magically happened overnight. No one would have an eating or weight problem. Right? So if you want to be someone who achieved something that not everyone does. You're going to have to put in the work that others aren't doing.

I think about this a lot with my business. I am so fortunate that I get to help so many women change their eating habits. But if I did not put in the hard work to get here, And if I did not take the actions and believe in myself and the way that so many other entrepreneurs don't in the beginning. I would not be here. That's why so many businesses fail is because people quit on themselves and they don't keep doing the work that they need to be doing. But this is how you get into the top 1% of people who are happy, who are healthy, who have their dream life is you have to be willing to do the things that others aren't doing.

Most people in this world, struggling with food are probably gonna be stuck dieting forever. Unfortunately. They might try to stop, but it feels uncomfortable to learn the new skills of being a natural eater or they don't want to put in the time and money and energy into a program. So they continue to repeat the same mistakes and don't move forward to their goal. That is very hard in its own way. Of course, to stay stuck in your same eating habits. But it's easier in the sense that they know what they're doing. They know how to be pro dieters, and maybe that's where you are now to, you know, how to do what you've always done.

So it's gonna feel a little scary to take the leap and either do a new program with me, or just put in the time and energy to start doing what you know, you need to do in order to change.

Why all of this is so important. Is because if you can accept that it is okay for this journey to be a bit hard, it's going to make it easier. Because then you were removing the resistance in arguing with reality. When things feel hard and you accept that they're hard, then you don't have this additional fight with yourself about they shouldn't be hard or why is this so hard or I just wish it wasn't so hard.

That is going to create additional drama and make things harder for you. So we get to stop fighting that it's hard and just get to work. And yes, while it does take effort to stop binge eating. I want you to also think about all the work and effort it's taking you right now to struggle with binge eating. All the physical pain that comes after binge, all of the additional brain drama that you have when you eat too much. All that comes when you overdo it. That is not a pain-free experience. That comes with its own effort in and of itself. It's just a different kind of effort. That is also a struggle.

I want you to remember though that it won't be this hard forever. You are at the beginning right now, you are starting your journey to become a confident eater and the things you now view as work and things that are hard eventually will just become a part of your lifestyle and values. So things like journaling, planning meals, mindful eating. I still have to intentionally do all these things. But there's so much easier because they're now just part of who I am. I have become someone who is a more mindful person in all areas of my life. I am someone who values managing my emotions and all areas now, not just because I'm trying to not emotional need but because I wanna be someone who's in charge of my thoughts and feelings. So I journal not because it's a task I'm supposed to be doing to stop emotional eating. But because that's something that I have now incorporated into my lifestyle based on who I want to be. So the more you do these things, the less, they are going to feel like a chore because they just start to become who you are.

In all the strategies I will ever teach you really do apply to all other areas of life, too. But even as you are healing your relationship with food, even when you conquer binge-eating and overeating, guess what? You're still going to have hard things happen in life. So doing this whole eating journey thing, it's absolutely great practice for being able to handle all the other hard things you're going to encounter inevitably in the rest of your life.

Think about how you were developing resilience in tools that will stick with you forever. I think like you are believing you're in yourself. Skills like believing in yourself no matter what. Getting back up after falling down, troubleshooting your mistakes, taking consistent action.

I struggled in overcame my eating issues fairly quickly. I think. But it's because I did the hard work. I was willing to do whatever it took. Like seriously, I was dedicating as much time as I needed to.

I was paying whoever however much money they could help me. I was sitting through the urges. No matter how much I didn't want to, or how uncomfortable they felt I was doing the effort and the journaling to rewire my thoughts and beliefs all because there was nothing more important to me at that time than being free from the food struggle, because it was so painful to stay stuck where I was. And I really believe that this is why I have been able to luckily be so successful in so many areas of my life at this point, to grow my business and help more women and to start this podcast and to do so many other things in my life. All because I have already had a lot of hard experiences and overcome hard things.

It's set me up so well for success in life. To not just have the easy route to have struggles. And I want you to notice for yourself too. How struggling with food can be the most beautiful gift in disguise. Because it teaches you a lot about yourself, about the world, about how to achieve goals.

So I want you to think about all that could be possible for you to, in other areas of your life. If you could finally conquer this battle with food, what would that do for you? Who would you become? What new skills and tools and beliefs would you have that could benefit you?

So my friends, let it be hard, have fun with the hard. And remember that being in the hard is what will make your life easy. Talk to you next week.