Ep 96- What Does It Actually Mean To “Not Restrict”?
December 11, 2025
Have you ever told yourself no to a food and instantly felt deprived or panicked?
Today I’m unpacking one of the biggest sources of confusion in binge eating recovery: the difference between restriction and loving boundaries.
You will learn:
What “don’t restrict” actually means
Is saying no to sugar and processed foods restricting?
The difference between diet culture and loving boundaries
Why your brain freaks out when you tell yourself no and how to calm it down
What Restriction Really Means
Restriction is simply not giving yourself something you need.
When it comes to food, restriction is when you:
restrict your calories
restrict your nutrients
These are the two forms of restriction that matter.
Diet culture restricts both. It cuts calories aggressively or eliminates entire food groups. That’s why dieting triggers binge eating. A slight calorie deficit is fine. Being intentional is fine. But when your deficit is large enough to put your body into survival mode, your body panics and demands more food.
A general guideline I use:
If you take your estimated maintenance calories and reduce it by 500 calories or more, that’s too big of a deficit for most people. Research consistently shows that smaller deficits of around 100–200 calories per day are actually the safest and most sustainable.
You don’t need to calorie count to achieve this. When you rebuild your hunger and fullness cues correctly, your body does this naturally.
Restricting Nutrients (And Why It Matters)
The second form of restriction is removing entire food groups. This includes:
cutting carbs
avoiding gluten without an actual intolerance
eliminating dairy without a real sensitivity
going vegetarian or vegan for weight reasons
avoiding foods because “someone online said so”
If your body doesn’t react poorly to a food but you restrict it anyway, that is restriction.
Deprivation simply means “lacking the necessities of life.” And yes, calories and nutrients are necessities. But here’s where people get confused…
Saying No to Certain Foods Is Not Restriction
Saying no to something you don’t need is not restriction. It’s self-care.
Examples:
Saying no to wine is not restriction. We don’t need wine to survive.
Saying no to tequila is not deprivation.
Saying no to added sugar is not restricting your necessities.
Why? Because sugar and flavorings function more like substances than food. They have no essential nutrients beyond calories, and they are heavily isolated through multi-step processes that remove them from their natural form.
There are literally hundreds of other carbohydrate sources that provide nourishment. So saying no to sugar is not restricting carbs. It’s avoiding a hyperprocessed substance that hijacks your tastebuds.
If this idea is new, go listen to episode 85 where I explain how sugar and flavorings interfere with appetite signals and confuse your body’s nutritional wisdom.
Sugar Isn’t Restricted Food. It’s an Addictive Reinforcement Loop
Sugar is deceptive. It tells your tongue something high-quality is coming when it’s not. It tricks your body. So when you say no to sugar, the only thing that matters is your mindset.
Most people cut sugar from a place of fear or rules. That always backfires.
The empowered mindset sounds like:
I can do whatever I want.
I am choosing this.
I’m in charge of me.
There is nothing I “can’t” have.
This is what prevents rebellion. You don’t rebel against boundaries you agree with. You only rebel against rules you hate.
Loving Boundaries Feel Completely Different
Think about it. I “restrict” myself from:
scrolling Instagram all night
texting an ex
spending thousands on designer bags
These are technically restrictions. But they feel easy because I don’t want to do those things. I’m making a choice.
When you think something is restriction, that is a mindset. Loving boundaries are self-care.
Saying no means you’re saying yes to something else.
Examples:
Saying no to reels means yes to better sleep
Saying no to impulse spending means yes to financial goals
Saying no to bingeing on Christmas cookies means yes to feeling good later
When you focus on what you are saying yes to, everything changes.
Why Saying Yes to the Cookie Doesn’t Fix the Urge
Have you ever noticed that eating the cookie doesn’t actually make the craving go away? You still want another one. You still have the urge.
That’s because the urge isn’t about the cookie. It’s about the emotional, neurological reinforcement loop.
Focusing on what you actually want helps you break the cycle.
A Checklist: Restriction or Loving Boundary?
You are restricting if:
You’re hungry and not letting yourself eat
You’re tired and not resting
You’re low on nutrients and withholding food
You’re following rules you hate
You have a loving boundary if:
More food wouldn’t feel good in your body
You want energy, clarity, or comfort more than heaviness
The food doesn’t align with your values
You don’t actually want that food in the first place
A Mini Exercise to Check Your Mindset
If the thought “I’m restricted” pops up, ask yourself:
What am I afraid will happen if I say no to this food?
Is that fear even true?
What am I truly needing right now?
Does this food meet that need?
What would a loving boundary look like instead?
These questions pull you out of drama and into clarity.
You Aren’t Missing Out On Joy
You might think that when you say no to a Christmas cookie, you’re missing out on joy, pleasure, or connection. But the cookie never gave you those things. You just believed it did.
So ask yourself:
What could give me real joy?
What could give me real connection?
What do I truly want?
This is where food freedom actually begins.
Join The Confident Eater Program
If this episode is clicking for you and you’re realizing that your “restriction” is actually fear, confusion, or habit, The Confident Eater Program will walk you through the exact process to rebuild trust with food without overeating, without bingeing, and without feeling out of control.