Ep 10-Changing Eating Habits as a Working Mom of 3- Gale’s Story.
April 11, 2024
Meet Gale! A full-time working mom who completed the Confident Eater program, sharing her transformative journey from having an unhealthy relationship with food & her body to becoming a natural eater.
Everything looked perfect from the outside where Gale had been maintaining her weight, but she wanted to get rid of the constant life-long internal battle with food.
We discuss:
Her quest for balance with work, family, and health
How she prioritized herself during meal time
Stepping away from the scale & calorie counting
Letting go of all or nothing thinking
Common fears going into the program
Amber:
Hello confident eaters. I have another special guest here today. We have our second client interview and today we have client Gale who just finished up the confident eater program and so she's going to talk about her journey throughout the program and where she was, where she is now. So, Gale, do you want to introduce yourself?
Gale:
Sure. Thank you so much, Amber, for having me. This is for my podcast debut. I am Gale. I am a full time working mom. I have a full time career, a husband with a full time career, and I have three young children and a very full life. So, this was, you know, Not a decision I took lately to add something else into my repertoire but this was something I really felt was it was time for me to take the next step and get some additional coaching or help with.
Amber:
And I'm really excited to have you on as a mom who does have like a successful busy career because I agree, sometimes it feels like for anyone else who's in that position, like, oh my gosh, I have to add on one more thing, you know, to my plate, but it's really something that is an investment as in you in your life, which is also sometimes hard to prioritize as a mom, I know.
So tell me a little bit about where you were before we started working together and why you decided you wanted to make some changes.
Gale:
I've had an unhealthy or optimal relationship with food probably for decades. I would say probably going back maybe as early as middle school, when I found you I absolutely had a perfectionist mentality that I didn't truly understand at the time was leading or driving this all or nothing approach to food and exercise.
I sometimes think about it. I know you and I have traded our share of metaphors before, but I would picture myself almost like as a duck in a pond. So on the surface, I was kind of gliding along, everything looked like smooth sailing and underneath that water, my little legs were just desperately treading water sometimes.
So, you know, outwardly, I was doing the things I wanted to be doing but internally from a confidence perspective, I definitely felt like I needed some work. I was somebody who would weigh myself religiously every Friday. And that number on the scale would really dictate the mood that I would be in for that day.
You know, at least the rest of the day I was at a point right when I found you that I was on a daily basis, kind of waiting till everybody went to bed. And then I would go down and have my quote unquote me time in the dark kitchen by myself eating and watching something on my phone and just enjoying the silence.
I was probably binge eating four times a week and overeating pretty much every day, I would say.
Amber:
And thank you for sharing all that with everyone because I know so many people can relate and I definitely can too to like the dark eating in the kitchen, even though I'm not a mom yet. It is something I think as women, we are used to giving, giving, giving all day in our job at school to families, to friends, to everyone.
And then at the end of the day, it's like, Oh, it's finally time for me to do something fun and exciting. And that. Can sometimes be food and like that's the only joy we get in our day is in space for ourself to really do what we want even though it's not what we truly want, it's what's quickest and easiest in that moment, especially if it's our habit, that's what we go to.
So tell me about your life now and what changes you've made since being in the program.
Gale:
So, I would say one of the most immediate were obvious things that's different now is I have become much better at eating what I'll call the scary foods in moderation. So I feel much more confident that I can have a cookie with my kids and not have it snowball into the entire sleeve of cookies.
I also don't feel that strong urge that I used to feel to detox. And I know that's a very popular and trendy word. And, you know, it's often looked at as something positive. When you're Googling different diets and things like that. But I was finding that it was really exhausting to be in this Cycle of constant reset and feeling that need to constantly be going from one extreme to the other. Something I do pretty religiously now is being able to step away from what for lunch from my job. I do work from home as I'm sure many people now do. And I've done that for years and just became very used to working Through lunch at my desk over email. And really now I make it a habit.
I block the time out in my calendar and step away for lunch. Maybe I read a book while I'm eating. Or just something that's a break for myself. And I also find now that I don't even get the urge as much for something sweet after lunch. When I do this that used to be one of my dangerous points of the day was after lunch.
Amber:
you make that transition to eating away from your desk? Because I know there was a lot of thoughts coming up too about like, gotta be productive, gotta do more. Like I have, you know, this job that I have to maintain. Like I can't take this time for lunch. So what helped you change that?
Gale:
Just this shifting mindset that you know, just because you're working through lunch doesn't mean you're being more productive one. And you know, knowing that it's okay. It's not like I'm doing anything bad. People know that people working from home have to have lunch. Like it's okay. And it was just something that I felt like if I take that break now, I'm able to sustain my energy levels. And I also didn't feel that I would be stress eating as much during lunch because I was eating while I was maybe doing something for work that was anxiety producing. Which would, you know, it had a chain reaction, right?
So I would eat lunch, maybe get stressed while working, which leads to eating some snacks in the afternoon that probably weren't the best option. And then you feel sluggish and you basically have the exact opposite reaction that you were result that you were trying to have in the first place.
Amber:
I was also going to say there was the times at dinner too where you took space to pause and eat with your meal too. What was that like before and what did you change to allow yourself that time and space to eat dinner?
Gale:
Yeah. I'm sure as anyone listening can sympathize with that has maybe young children you know, dinnertime is very chaotic on many occasions. And as much as I try to maintain that sense of family time around the dinner table on the days that we can do that, it's still pretty crazy. So I would often feel very rushed through dinner. I couldn't really have more than a couple bites of food before I would get up to get something for someone else. And inevitably, as a mom, everyone else has finished eating before you. And then people are cleaning up around me. And so it really wasn't a, I would view it as an environment that wasn't really conducive to me slowing down, sitting and enjoying what I was eating and paying attention to it. But now that's that's certainly gotten better. It's still chaotic. There's only so many things I can do to control other people. But for myself I try to do a better job at really being mindful about what I'm doing in the present moment, and then also you know, giving myself permission, and I think you had told me at one point, you know, who cares if people are cleaning up around you?
So you sit and finish your meal. And you know, cause that was something I was putting on myself, a pressure I was putting on me. Oh, if everyone else is busy and doing something, I should be doing it too. And so now I say, okay. Mommy's not done eating yet, and so I'm gonna stay here and finish which sometimes are the best few minutes of my dinner that I get to have.
So, that's definitely been a, you know, a small little change has made a big difference.
Amber:
I get this image in my mind of like you just in your own little bubble with all the chaos going around you, but like we created that bubble for you to be like, this is my time. I deserve space to eat. Everyone else got their time and space to eat. And because I was getting up and getting things for everyone else, it's now my time to sit and enjoy.
And when you have that time and space to enjoy it, that can oftentimes help with like. The after dinner snacking because you actually tasted your food instead of just like shoveling it in, cleaning up, you know, putting the kids to bed, getting everything done. It's like you had that space to really enjoy what you wanted to enjoy. Any other breakthroughs you wanted to mention from our time together?
Gale:
I would say, oh, I have so many of them, I mean, practicing giving myself grace is a continual journey and something that I think, you know, we all have to continue to practice. I think you know, the some of the biggest aha moments I had with you, one very early on was distancing myself from this external data.
You know, I'm a very type a personality, my job, my life revolves around analyzing data. So that's something that I normally feel like is a good thing. And in this case, learning to distance myself from data like the scale or my fitness pal app using that to validate how I should be feeling about a situation.
And putting less emphasis on that, which definitely sounded scary in the beginning and now learning to lean or rely more on internally, you know, let's check. How do I feel? Do I feel okay? And using the scale or something else, maybe as just a data point to help, collect some information, but it's not the end all be all .
The other big thing, like I said before, I was definitely an all or nothing mentality with lots of things, learning to what I call operate in the gray and get away from those extremes is definitely something that has made me not as fearful or anxious around food because I know I can make better decisions, one, and even if I don't, I make the best decision at the time.
I have a sense of calm that I didn't before because I put it in the perspective of this really is not that big of a deal. Like it's okay. You know, I had an extra scoop of ice cream or whatever it is, and it's not so tied up into this, you know, defines who I am as a person.
Amber:
I think both of those are really good examples of how letting go can give you more freedom in a really positive way. Because I myself was also like a big calorie counter, weighed myself all the time, all or nothing. And we tend to think that if we let go of those things, that we're just going to go on this crazy eating spree and like nothing good is going to come of that and you know Maybe if you're on your own and you just say, you know, let's just give up everything overnight then you might feel a bit out of control but with the right tools and structure and easing out of those things it can give you so much freedom back in a way that's not That is actually helping your eating and making you eat better as opposed to worse, which is where our mind goes at first.
Like I need to weigh myself. I need to put in my fitness pal. I love how you said distancing yourself from the data versus like removing yourself from the data because we still can use like calories in our weight as a tool. It is a data point ultimately. Like it's not a bad thing to know our weight.
I still weigh myself at times just out of curiosity to see what's there. But it's, Like you said, it's the distance from it. It's not making it the entire pie of this is how our progress is because that's not the truth. The truth is our progress in our eating, in our body, and how we're feeling needs to be taken from a wider perspective of are we eating when we're hungry?
Stopping when we're full? Are we eating mostly nutritious foods? Like you said, how are we feeling in our body? Those are also really important factors. And same thing with MyFitnessPal and knowing the calories and macros and things, not a bad idea. I think most people should have a basic knowledge around calories and what's in their food.
But if we take it to like, this is the only thing that matters about our food, that's where we want to run into trouble. So it's using it as like a small little data point as a piece of the pie, but not the entire thing.
So what did you love most about working together?
Gale:
So, I really appreciated that you had a true program and structure to work through. And I think one of the first questions I asked you was, you know, what's the difference between a coach and a therapist? I had never used a coach for anything before. I think sometimes, when people are in therapy, it's up to the patient, it's up to you to kind of figure out what you want to talk about that day or what's top of mind.
And I think some people might tend to kind of feel like they're just floating haphazardly through this .This working with you felt like I could really, truly plot my journey through the steps and kind of see the progression. I also think that, I mean, you, Amber, on a personal note, I mean, you were meant to do this, I think you know, I didn't ever say anything to you during our sessions where I felt that you were surprised or shocked or judging me or you know, never had any kind of negative reaction. I mean, it really was truly a safe space.
Amber:
Thank you. And I really pride myself in that. And I thank you for those kind words because I've been there myself. Like I didn't just, decide, oh, it'd be a fun career to be a binge eating coach. I was like, you know, I struggled with it myself too. And I've always been a very self help growth oriented person.
So it's no surprise to me that I ended up as a coach and like pursuing this. Just to clarify for everyone, the differences between therapy and coaching, because it is a really good distinction to make. Therapy tends to be a lot more past focus where we are looking at like your childhood and some trauma things that may have led to this.
And it is true that sometimes those things can contribute to the development of binge eating and eating disorders. But for more people, it's more about they started dieting one day. And that's why they're binge eating is because they went through this period of restriction. They essentially started putting all their value on what a diet tells them and out of what their body is telling them.
And that kind of screws you up for life, unfortunately. So that's where most people's history stems from is from the dieting and then it becomes a habit. So we need to take more of a habit based approach to changing our eating habits versus like what happened when you were 12, because it's not always super relevant to today.
Another thing in coaching that we tend to focus a lot more on is this structure of a program in itself. And That is something that I think is really nice about my confident eater program is I think it's a really good balance of You do get some flexibility as a client for what you want to talk about, but you also have structure in the lessons So we have like a clear outline of what we're doing each week, but it's also flexible so if you have a week that like Everything has gone wrong and you just need an hour to talk about it Like we can do that or if there's a week where you're like things are going great Then i'm like great We can move a lesson up and we can just chat more about that and go You a bit in depth into a certain topic.
So it does give you both. And I think that's what most of us need is we do need some information on how do we actually change these eating habits, but then also not have it as a one size fits all course that's like, hope this works for you. You get the best of both worlds of that. So did you have any hesitations going into working with me? And what would you tell someone who's on the fence about joining the Confident Eater program?
Gale:
Yes, I definitely did, this was not a decision that I took lightly. Like I said, I have never worked with a coach before for any topic. And to be totally honest, I was very skeptical about, you know, people claiming to be coaches, quote unquote, especially on social media, because, you know, it's like, well what qualifies them to be a coach?
And can anybody just say that they're a coach? And I didn't know how much trust to put in this process. And I don't think I ever told you this Amber either, but, you know, I think a little bit of my own ego was getting in the way at first because I was skeptical that you seem like this, you know, this young woman that's significantly younger than me.
And so in my head, I'm thinking, and this sounds so bad, but part of me thought, you know, how is this young girl going to coach me? I'm in my forties, like if I haven't figured it out, how is she going to tell me what I should be doing? So there was certainly an element of that in there and certainly it's a financial investment.
I mean, it is. It's not something to be taken lightly for most people. And you know, overarching all of this, I think there was a fear of, wow, if I do this, if I take this leap, and it doesn't work, I have to face the fact that I failed at this. But after talking to you, it sounds like those things were all very common fears or hesitations that people face.
So, for somebody that's on the fence about doing it. The worst thing that can happen is you do this and you're no worse off than when you started. There's no way you're going to be in a worse position than when you started. But I think that the chances of that occurring are virtually impossible.
I mean, as long as you are committed to, taking it seriously and being honest with yourself and open with Amber, I mean, I think that the sky's the limit for what you can accomplish.
Amber:
This is why I asked this question because I want to normalize those fears around investing in yourself and in a coaching program because I know I have bought tons of coaching before. I'm like obsessed with coaching. Obviously I'm a coach. I wouldn't be here if I wasn't, but I do remember the very first time I bought coaching.
I thought the same thing, like I don't know who this person is, like I don't know if it's actually going to help me, but I wanted it so badly that I was like, I'll figure out how to pay for it, I'll figure out if it doesn't work, and like you said, we talk every single week together for, now it's now 50 minutes in the program, and I've never had anyone get worse, for sure, because You're having someone keep you accountable.
You can't slip back for any longer than a few days Without me making sure you're getting back to where you want to go and that's a really valuable thing to have that accountability built in for yourself and I think you should be skeptical of a program like this and really anything you buy because It's true coaching is a very unregulated industry There is the cons of that, of, you know, you want to make sure you do know and trust that coach.
But the pro of that too is it also gives us a lot more flexibility, whereas when you do something like therapy, there are so many rules and regulations and guidelines they have to go by, whereas I can really make sure things are perfectly fit for where you are in your journey without having to worry about those specific governmental guidelines that therapists have.
Gale:
And
from a knowledge perspective, you know, you could hypothetically be seeing a therapist to treat you for something that really they themselves have never, they've never been in your shoes. Right. With coaching and especially with you. I mean, that's certainly a completely different story.
Amber:
That fear that comes up, too, is our brain trying to protect us. Right? It doesn't want to do something new and scary and risky. As you've learned in this program, we have, like, our higher brain and our lower brain, and this lower part, brain part of us is the part that wants us to, like, stay in the cave, where it's, like, safe and dark and there's, like, nothing bad out there. But in order to grow, we literally have to be scared. We have to go out and do those uncomfortable things. Whether that's investing in a coaching program or just doing something as simple as like sitting down with the food that feels scary to us and taking a bite out of it, like, we'll taking deep breaths and like managing our thoughts around it.
Like all those things are things that are pushing us to the next level. So I think it's always really helpful to ask yourself, Why you're scared to and where is that fear coming from? Because sometimes we do have very valid fears that are coming up, and we want to make sure we address those. But more often than not our fears are just our brain wanting to stay the same.
And it's really important to recognize that so we can call that out and then be able to push ourselves to the next level, even if it does feel a little scary at first. All right, Gale, do you have any last minute thoughts or anything you want to leave the people with?
Gale:
I don't think so. I mean, I would just say if you're on the fence about it, just jump, take the leap you know, you really could be in a completely different place six months from now. Then you are today. And I really don't think that you would regret it if you've gotten this far to be interested in what Amber has to say and what she can provide.
I really don't think that you would regret investing six months of your life with her.
Amber:
Thank you. I appreciate it. So for those of you that are listening in real time, you can go to my website, theconfidenteater.Org, and you find free consultation calls there. So you can sign up for 45 minutes with me and we just chat about your goals, what you're going through and deciding if you're a good fit for me.
So that would be your next step if you're interested in working with me. Otherwise I will talk to you next week. And thank you, Gale.
Gale:
Thank you.