Ep 47 - I Should‘ve Stopped Binge Eating By Now

January 02,2025

Do you ever feel frustrated or ashamed because you’re still struggling with your eating habits?

Are you feeling impatient that you’re not “there” yet as a natural eater?

In this episode, we dive into why rushing your journey to stop binge eating only leads to more stress—and how to embrace patience, resilience, and self-compassion along the way.

You’ll learn…

• Why the thought “I should be further along” actually holds you back

• How unrealistic timelines and diet culture’s quick-fix promises create unnecessary pressure

• The importance of acknowledging slow, steady progress—even if it’s not linear

• How resilience, curiosity, and celebrating small wins can transform your relationship with food

• Why everyone’s journey is unique, and comparing yourself to others does more harm than good

TRANSCRIPT:

Hello my confident eaters.

Do you ever feel shame or frustration because you're not where you want to be with your eating habits yet?

Do you ever think I shouldn't still be struggling with this or I should be further along in my journey by now.

Maybe you're feeling really impatient because you're thinking I've been working on this for so long.

Now it can be hard to look at our goals and realize what our current reality is.

And if you're listening to this in real time, it's the start of the new year. And a lot of us are thinking about our goals. Where have we been in? Where are we going?

Now what often happens when we feel this frustration and shame around not being where we want to be with food is we do one of a couple of things.

You might be beating yourself up, telling yourself mean things, telling yourself to get your shit together and figure it out because clearly we need to try harder.

This usually only leads to more despair and crawling deeper into the hole of self pity and shame. This is not how we are going to treat ourself with love and kindness and heal our relationship with our self and our body. This is only going to drive more action from fear, from shame from self-loathing, which never creates a longterm results.

Maybe you're thinking about going to drastic measures. All right. Maybe I should go back to that diet. Maybe I should try. OSMP. Maybe I should do one of these quick fixes in order to just get where I want to be, because I want to be there so bad.

The quicker, the result though, the quicker, those results are going to go away. It's not going to be sustainable. We know that 95% of diets fail. We know that it was unpick has a lot of longterm health consequences. We know that if we are trying to make a big massive change overnight, It's not going to stick because it's going to be too hard and it's not going to line with what we truly want for our life long-term.

Then finally, maybe you're just shutting down and wanting to give up completely thinking this journey is too hard. I don't even know if it's worth that. I'm just bound to be struggling with food for the rest of my life.

Now a little story time. I was just living in Mexico for the month and I took Spanish like 10 years ago. So I basically don't know any Spanish anymore because I have not practiced at what we don't use. We lose. Right. And now, while I was going around Mexico, it was difficult to not be able to speak the Spanish that I wanted to speak. I wish I was further along in my Spanish journey. I could get really angry with myself for not knowing more or for learning faster. Frustrated with why didn't I learn this before? Why didn't I try to take more Spanish before I came.

Now, it's okay. That I had wished. You know, it would've been nice if I would have prioritized learning more Spanish, but he also just accepted the reality that I didn't and where I am now is where I'm at. And that allowed me to actually be curious. And actually learn what Spanish do I need to know? How can I get where I want to go instead of just going to the deep dark hole, despair of I'm frustrated. And I wish I knew more.

I don't tell myself I should be further along because I know it's not helpful. Instead, I use this to create a feeling of determination. I want to learn, and this helps me take productive action towards learning, such as being able to try it and messy. Just putting a sentence out there, even if it's not perfect, allowing myself to be in perfect. I was looking up conversations on Google translate, trying to observe what other people were saying. I was pre-thinking the sentences I'll need.

All of these things I was only able to do because I was getting curious in using compassion for where I was at. When we are beating herself up, we are only going to take unhelpful actions.

So why do we feel this way in the first place? Why do we feel this impatience and frustration on I just want to be there. I just want to be the natural eater and have my dream eating habits and never want to worry about it again.

I think that this is actually a good sign. That you really care about this goal. It's important to you to become a natural eater. This is something that you really want to stop binge-eating to stop overeating.

But I want you to ask yourself, why do you think it needs to happen so fast? Why do you think it was supposed to happen by now? How did you decide that?

When you're thinking I've been working on this for so long, I'm supposed to be done by now. It means you've put this self-imposed deadline on yourself, but where did that deadline even come from? And is it actually realistic?

Have you ever taken the time to think. Hmm. How did I decide I was supposed to stop binge-eating in the next month? How did I decide that it was supposed to take a year? How did I decide that I was supposed to listen to two podcast episodes and I was supposed to have it all figured out.

How do you know for sure that you're actually supposed to be changing faster than the rate that you are right now?

Most of us set these expectations from things we've seen in marketing. And I want you to think about the purpose of marketing. The purpose of marketing is to get you to buy things. So they're going to set an unrealistic expectation of how long things take in order to make it more likely that you'll buy. So we see these things such as lose 10 pounds in two weeks. You know, on the cover of a magazine. A 30 day challenge to get healthy. 21 days to get Abs.

All of these things. We see all over social media and this creates an unrealistic expectation of how change actually happens. You might've also heard this myth of it takes 21 days to change a habit. It actually takes much longer, even that is a myth that's thrown around. But again, this sells really well. It sells well to have a specific deadline of this is exactly how much time you need to change. Our brain likes certainty. It likes to know, okay, I can do this. I can do this for 30 days, but it's kind of unrealistic.

Now my confident eater program is six months long and I've been recommended by a lot of business coaches to shorten it, to do it for two months or three months because more people might want to buy it.

And I actually see a lot of eight and 12 week coaching programs out there. For binge eating for that  reason.  But I actually genuinely care about everyone who goes through my program. And I want to ensure that everyone who does it, doesn't just have some quick wins and leave with them. I really want to make sure that every person has this major transformation in the relationship with food in their body. And that takes time.

And I can tell you, the reason I do this for six months is not because transformation happened slower in my program. I can tell you, I am an amazing coach. I have had a lot of clients who've come from other coaching programs and have been absolutely amazed by the quality of coaching they get, how quickly they change the depth of the knowledge they receive in the confident eater program.

And I've had a lot of clients who've reached their goals in just a few months or less, but it's so important to them that you maintain these results. It's easy to get anyone to have some wins within a few weeks. I can do that. You can do that, but in order to maintain these results for life,  That's the part we really have to be patient with is not just, can I do a quick challenge to stop binge-eating in two weeks, but can I maintain a binge free life forever and ever?

Sometimes this comparison comes from other people we've seen too. So maybe if he'd heard people on my podcast say, wow, I stopped binge-eating in two months and you think maybe I should stop binge eating in two months. And then you start to compare your results to them. And why can't I do this? But all of our journeys are so different. And we'll talk about it in a moment why that is.

We think that the journey is supposed to be linear. I'm going to decide that I want to stop binge-eating and then we just stop. We just make progress each day. That's not the reality of how we change and that's your perfectionistic mindset getting in of it has to be perfect. Or I'm not doing it if I don't do it right. Quote unquote, then there's no purpose in doing it all. And that's, what's going to lead you to stop the journey altogether. Never get where you want to go.

So I want to normalize for you that the journey sometimes takes longer than we expect. You might've had these eating habits for 10 20, 30, 40, 50, 60, 70 plus years. And everyone's background is so different. Maybe you've been immersed in entire world of diet culture or your mom, your grandma, your aunt, all of your friends have been dieting your entire life.

So you don't know any different. Or maybe you just went on a quick diet and you started struggling with food, but then you were able to change it very quickly because you didn't have those thoughts and habits ingrained in your brain as much.

So, of course it makes sense that different people have different journeys and it's going to take a different amount of time to change. You we're on your unique journey, that's perfect for you.

Now becoming a natural, intuitive eater is something that most people do not do. The majority of people in this world are stuck, overweight, dieting, using pills and drugs and not taking the way of changing their brain using psychology. So because you are doing something extraordinary, it's going to take a little bit more of an extraordinary effort in time compared to what you're used to.

I'm not saying this process necessarily is going to take years and years. But compared to the other expectations that society has set for how long it should take to get healthy and to change our eating habits. It probably is going to take longer than that. Okay.

If becoming a natural eater after years of dieting, where something you could do in a week, a lot more people would be doing it. I guarantee you. But we live in this diet, obsessed culture. And so you truly are doing something extraordinary in new here and be proud of yourself for doing that. This is something amazing that you are here in this part of the world where we are resisting diet culture, we are learning how to use our bodies to eat.

Now everything you've done up to this point has been doing the best with the skills you have. Every step along the way is creating a stronger, better you. And if you knew how to do better, you would've. Okay.

We are always trying to do our best. We are never actively trying to sabotage ourself. We are just doing the best with the tools we have given the things we have learned so far, the every single day you were growing, you were learning, you are changing. And I want you to think about how this is creating a better story. You can be the hero of the story. Think of it as the most epic comeback.

I am so grateful that my eating journey took as long as it did that I had to try all of the therapy, the coaching, the books, the podcast, all the things that Google suggested, because that brought me to you guys that led me to sharing my story.

And even if you're not becoming a coach one day, All of these methods that you've been trying, all of the things that have been hard along the way are going to create a more resilient version of you.

You are exactly where you are supposed to be today. If you're supposed to be somewhere else, you wouldn't be, but you aren't where you are today is exactly right for you.

Now resilience is such an important skill to have. And I listened to so many podcasts about entrepreneurship. And one of the number one qualities I pick up on the most from the most successful entrepreneurs in the world, the people that are making the most money. The people who've done the most extraordinary things with their life. The quality that they have is resiliency.

These people will hear no 100, 200, 300 times until they get a yes for their dream. They will have failed five businesses. And finally, the six one takes off. I recently watched a documentary with Martha Stewart and how she was put into jail after getting accused and charged with some sort of money taxing. I don't remember exactly, but she was put to jail for it. And when she went to jail for a few months, now you might think, oh my gosh, that'd be horrible. That would be like the ultimate failure to be this big celebrity and then have to be committing a crime and be put in jail for it. But she came out of jail and she totally rebranded herself.

She had the most epic comeback story and continue to stay culturally relevant. That time in jail only made her better in stronger, even though it might've been looked at from the outside is one of the worst things that could happen to you.

People who quit the first time never succeed. No one who has reached their goals and dreams. Has how to easy has had just something happened overnight. They have had to fall down a million times and keep getting back up to get where they want to go. And the ability to do this, to keep getting up no matter what, to not give up easy skill that will benefit you in  every single other area of your life, this is not just about stopping binge eating. This is about becoming the woman or man of your dreams. About becoming the type of person who fights for what they want. Who continues the journey, no matter how long it takes, no matter how hard it is. No matter where they think they're supposed to be. That is what creates success.

So finally, if you're not where you want to be with your eating habits. I want you to do an evaluation. Get honest with yourself. Why aren't you further along? And do this with no judgment. Okay. If you bring into judgment and shame to this, it is not going to be an effective exercise. Only curiosity is allowed here. Just like you are assessing a document for work. What's going on here. And then you want to take responsibility.

Taking a responsibility is a skill we need to learn as adults. Just like resiliency we're taking responsibility is something that can change everything for you. Because when you take responsibility, you stop blaming outside circumstances for what happened. And you start looking for how you created this result. Not from a place of blame of, I can't believe you did this. I'm so mad at you. But from a place of, oh, if I created this result that I didn't want, that means I can create the result I do want it's in my power and having that power is a really beautiful thing.

So I first want you to look at what has been going well for you with your eating. I promise you, not everything has been going  bad. There have been times along this year and along your journey that you made progress. What are the things that are going right? What have you learned or accomplished so far? This will help you stay motivated and encouraged along your journey. And show you where you can continue to do the right things and grow that area.

You might feel like nothing is working because you're only looking at the finish line. You're only looking at that final result. That day where you're just not stressing about food anymore. You don't think about food anymore. You're not worried about the Christmas cookies that are out. You're not worried about going out to eat.

You're looking at that as a finish line and only taking that as the acceptable results, but we need to celebrate all the little runs that help us get to the  The finish line.

Where have you grown in, pushed yourself? Maybe you've had more awareness around your eating habits when they happen the time of day, what your thoughts sound like? You might be recognizing your eating triggers sooner. Maybe you're having fewer bitches using better coping strategies, or maybe you're just learning more.

If you're listening to this podcast, that is a win because you are actively showing yourself that you want to change. And you're looking for information to change that.

So once you have celebrated yourself for the things that are working, then you want to get honest. Why did this happen? Why am I in this position with food right now? You might not know, but I want you to take your best guess. If some big circumstance happened this year, a family member passed away. You lost your job. You had to move across the country. That circumstance can be triggering for our old eating habits.  It might make it easier to resort to the easy eating habits, which is what we've always done. And so  what you've always done is binge-eating that big triggering thing in life could result in that.

But it's not necessarily the circumstance that caused you to create these results with the thoughts you were having during that circumstance.

So maybe if something big happened in your family, you thought I just don't have the time to take care of myself. I'm just not a priority right now. And that's okay. That doesn't have to be a bad thing, but I want you to just own it. Just take responsibility for it. That's the thought I chose to have, and I'm okay with that. Or I'm not okay with that. And this is what I'd like to change for the year ahead.

Maybe you are where you are, because you're confused. You don't know what to do. You've been bouncing across 20 different approaches in 20 different diets. And you haven't actually stuck to anything for more than a week. So it makes sense that you haven't changed much. You've just been running in place.

What else has been prioritized this year?

And  Just notice, where has my time, energy and money been going this year that will show you where your priorities have been lying. And the good news is your priorities can change at any point in time. You can decide today that this year my eating habits are going to be the priority. My health is going to be the priority because when you prioritize becoming a natural eater, everything in your life becomes easier. Eating as the foundation for so many things.

When we have a solid relationship with food in our body, it makes our relationships easier. Both with our friends, our family, our romantic partner. It makes it easier to show up for a work-life. We feel more confident, so maybe we ask for that raise. We feel more confident, so maybe we ask someone on a date. We feel more confident, so we finally wear the clothes we want to do and go out with friends and family and stop skipping events.

Now getting proven support is what will make this journey go so much smoother, quicker, and easier. And when you joined my confident eater program. You will have a step-by-step plan so you're not confused anymore. You don't have to keep going at this alone.

There are a lot of skills involved in changing your eating habits, a lot of different layers to it. And you want to make sure you have the tools to master each one of those skills. I would love to help you get out of this. I have helped myself and hundreds of other women and men get out of the binge eating struggle and become the natural, intuitive eater of their dreams. And I can help you too.

Your first step is to book a consultation call and we'll go over the options. I have multiple different payment plans, multiple different formats of working with me. And so we'll talk about your goals and how I can help you get to where you want to go.

Consult calls are totally no pressure. So if you decided it's not a good fit for you, that's okay too, but don't let the fear of taking the next step prevent you from creating everything you want with food.

All right. Have a good start to your new year. Talk to you next Thursday.